And now...

Right about now I'm ready to be home.

Not in general.. just right now. See here's what I've realized:

I love the beach every day from about 11 o'clock when I get up until 5:30 or 6. Round about then, without fail I get antsy. By eight I'm usually reaching for my phone looking for someone to text. Don't get me wrong I'm lovin' the beach, the sun, the people. But it's remarkably hard to turn off the striving to socialize. When I'm at home, nights are meant to be filled with friends and movies and late nights and the square and ice cream and public transportation. It's not that I'm not enjoying myself. Because I really really am! I've got a tan slash sunburn depending on the lighting. I smell like ocean and I've seen dolphins on the beach. Tomorrow I'm going running down the beach all the way to the fort. Last night we went to the boardwalk and had fudge and played skii ball and today I won at minigolf for the first time ever! The weather is gorgeous, it's sunny and I wear nothing but shorts.

But

butButBUT... I have that must-see-people-my-own-age thing kind've wired into me. Even though I'm on vacation and I don't really have anyone here to socialize with, I still feel like I should be getting out of the house and doing things and... As relaxing as this is, it's driving my crazy that I can't go anywhere alone. During the year, I'm always saying oh I just need a break from facebook/AIM/texts/socializing. And I've had that. Now I'd really like to vacation and relax in the mornings and afternoons and then chose what to do/where to be in the night. Is that too much to ask? Yes, yes it is. Somehow the not socializing has become more stressful because I'm being forced to relax. Sounds awful right? I know I shouldn't complain.


Go back to the beach state of mind. And until I get home... socialize for me!

Beachy

So I arrived at the beach house in the wee hours of this morning.

And immediately my whole outlook on love, life, day/night, time changed. You see the beach is not just a place. It's a state of mind, a way of being. And you can't really enjoy the beach until you get into this state of being. Usually, it takes a couple of days but on the (very very long) train ride down here, I mentally prepared myself. For relaxation. Sleep. Uncomfortable air mattress. Sun. Rain. Wind. Mosquitos. Arcades. The list goes on.

So far, we have done the following things: set up my room (my very own no one else just ME no four other people and a dog room), had two meals (the third is being made as I type) and gone to the beach. None of which sounds very exciting. But add in family, good friends, copious amounts of dancing/music and salty water and air. And then you have heaven.

I believe that a lot of the time you create your own atmosphere. And I intend to live, breathe, and BE the beach.

Are you ready for the summer? Are you ready for the sunshine?

So I never really went to summer camp. One artsy-fartsy very structured week and that was my experience of sleep away camps. This summer I'm CITing at the very same camp. And this weekend happened to be orientation. And it was more like camp- the stereotypical movie style (go see Meatballs with Bill Murray if I don't know what I'm talking about) than almost anything I've ever experienced. We played stuck in the mud tag in the dark (you need to go back to gym if you don't know what that is). And we ate at in a dining hall and I got bit by bugs and we had sleep bags. Granted we slept in dorms not cabins. And it was for a night, not the whole summer. But it felt like camp to me.

And the people! I can be shy or I can be super outgoing. But I made friends even before we'd gotten off the bus. All my life I've had friends who are girls and friends who are guys but guys sort've make faster friends? Platonic male friends are somewhat harder to come by but one feels so lucky when one finds them. The 24 hours or so that I was at "camp", I felt like I got to know lot's of people and liked the vast majority of them! Somehow that feeling leaves me feeling like I did good work this weekend. And I genuinely feel like there are a few people who I might become lasting real friends! And that makes me really happy and hopeful. New people give me a new outlook.

Bittersweet

So today was the last day of school. I think I speak for everyone when I say Thank Goodness. I don't think I've ever been so glad for a year to end. This has been a long long year. Some really really amazing things have happened that made my head spin and my mouth feel like it was about to fall off from smiling. And some bad stuff has happened. Some that was totally out of my control and some what-in-the-world-was-I-thinking experiences. And now, I'm tired. I am exhausted in fact. Today was the last day of finals (though we still have to come tomorrow but I'm not counting it). So I'm relieved. It's also kind've, mhm, nerve-racking because my grades are completely out of my control now. But mostly I'm happy because I'm so ready to get out of my town. I love my friends. I love my city. I even mostly love my school. But I'm done. I'm done with homework and tests and studying. I'm done with trying to fit everything everyone wants me to do into the two nights of a weekend. I'm ready to get out the city. Out of my schedule. I love summer. I love sunlight. I love the beach. I'm ready to be done to get out, new people, new places.

(but not a new blog because I like this one)

Today was the strangest day. It should have been sort've a relief but the whole day was a bit of a downer. Nothing bad happened (besides a very long Italian final) but I had a bittersweet feeling all day. I'm super glad to get out of school.. but there's all these people who I probably won't see over the summer. Not that I don't love my friends but, the highlight of my day today was two really random 30 second conversations I had with two random people I don't know very well and won't see over the summer but love anyways. I've been in a rut, pretty much. So I guess it's good school's ending. But can the summer really kick my rut in the butt?

Tweet Tweet

I made a Twitter.
I think they're sort've silly.
But I love it.

Things That Make Me Happy

Rather than studying (which I don't really enjoy).. A list..

• Comments
  
• When the bus pulls backwards out of the crosswalk so that you can walk by.
• When the bus stops in between stops for you (okay, going to try to not talk about the bus)
• Being woken up by my phone (as long as its after 10 o'clock)
• Songs in Italian (they're just.. so.. much.. better)
• Running in the rain
• Actually running in general
• "I Got A Feeling" by the Black Eyed Peas
• Study parties (suddenly things are just better)
• Picnics... in any time of the year
• Sunny amazing shorts wearing weather after a long winter/very cold spring
• Enthusiastic "hellos" in the hallways.
• Watching movies with the little sibs.
  
• My brother dancing to 96.000
• My grandma dancing to Cats (okay now I'm getting stuck in dance)
• Taking the train instead of the bus
• Late night surprises slash loonng friday nights.
  
• Catapults
• Traveling (Barcelona/Maine/California/NJ here I come)
  
• Shared clothing (because that means you don't have to pay for all of it)
• People who offer to let you throw a party... at their house.
• Putting away dishes (just don't ask me to load the dishwasher)
• The sun
• "Playdates"
• Speaking Italian

And finally....
I have about 18 hours of school left in the year.